The Thinking Behind "Fun, Meaningful Meetings for Parents and Teens"

Tumbling Walls has been involved in intergenerational learning since the seminar "Moms, Dads and Teenagers Too"© began. The seminar's design was to bring parents and tweens/teens (grades 5 – 12) together to work on the issues that impact their relationships with one another. I encourage youth pastors to team-teach with a group of parents and/or leaders in the church on an intergenerational level. There is a reason to make an intergenerational curriculum available. The following discussion focuses on what intergenerational experiential learning is, how it might take shape in our churches, and why it benefits families.

The following definition is a guideline for intergenerational programming: "The purposeful bringing together of different generations in ongoing, mutually beneficial planned activities designed to achieve specific program goals. Through intergenerational ministry, tweens, teens, parents, and grandparents share their talents and resources, supporting each other in relationships that benefit the individual, the family, the community, and the Church."

We have segregated our age groups in our schools, communities, and churches, and have limited opportunities for learning from the different age groups' knowledge and experiences because of our programmed segregation. The Old Testament and New Testament models of learning involve parents, elders, and young people.

Experiential learning must begin at home. Parents are the ones who demonstrate for their children the attributes of God. Before a child learns of God's presence, his parents' presence is experienced. Before a child learns of God's love, she experiences her parents’ unconditional love. The roles of major caregivers (parents, grandparents, and other significant adults) are essential to a child's understanding of God, and they have the most contact with the child. Ultimately, as parents, we must equip our children to live successfully in our home and then, outside it. Joel 1:3 makes it very clear. It says: “Tell your children about it in the years to come, and let your children tell their children, pass the story down from generation to generation.”

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 expresses the Hebrew belief in God and the importance of experiential learning. "These commandments that I give you today are to be impressed upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, while you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up."

Hebrew children were taught by example. Mothers taught ritual laws while cleaning the house. Mealtimes were used to pass on rituals. Bedtime stories were about their ancestors and how God had related to them. Fathers considered the religious education of children their greatest responsibility. When do we, as families and the family of God, tell stories to each other?

What does our family spiritual foundation look like today? Do we live and practice the stories passed down to us, tell stories to our children, celebrate rituals together, and connect our families to the history of family and the broader biblical history? The Bible has much to say about the issues of our individual, family, and community life. The intergenerational curriculum 'Fun, Meaningful Meetings for Parents and Teens' is based on truth, Biblical truth.

Family, or lifestyle, education is much larger than what is passed on from parent to child. It is a dialogical process where any of them can assume the roles of either teacher or student. A few days ago, I (67 years old) was the student, and 3 teenagers were my teachers. Family education is not "formal." It occurs, intentionally or not, within the very fabric of how a family functions together. Unfortunately, in 2000, the time we spent with our families plummeted over the previous fifty years from three or four hours a day to, on average, fifteen minutes. Thankfully, according to the most recent available data, the time spent together daily has increased to 37 minutes (Pew Research Center, 01/25).

The "An Intergenerational Entrepreneurship Program in an Educational Setting” abstract states that annually, masses of children leave their rural schools without the skills they need to thrive in today's competitive job market. Youth in rural areas may suffer deficits in education, cognitive skills, and work experience. Lack of parental encouragement, poverty, neglect, and abuse are only some of the factors putting these youth at risk. The intergenerational program described in the above article conveys entrepreneurial education and life skills development. Adult mentors give youth caring support and leadership, while the youth add purpose to the lives of their mentors. If they leave school with poor skills and abilities, what sort of condition might they be in socially and spiritually? Aren't we 100 miles wide and a half an inch deep? Many know what to believe but lack the depth of understanding of why they believe it.

It is our vision, through intergenerational experiential learning, that tweens and teens experience nurturing, healthy, and safe learning environments in which all families are fully supported in their roles and responsibilities.

Current research attributes many of the problems of tweens and teens to a lack of significant relationships. Many young people are growing up in single-parent families where time commitments to parent-child relationships are sacrificed, allowing the parent to work to meet the family's material needs without any other income. According to an Illinois Intergenerational Initiative Study, the problems of poverty, drug abuse, infant mortality, child and elder abuse, and negative images of the disabled and mentally ill improved dramatically through a family-school-community-Church engagement.

Intentionally, our families must engage with our communities, school systems, other help agencies, and the Church to ensure learning success and stronger families through a family-school-community-Church partnership. We must promote lifelong experiential learning so that individuals value learning, learn how to learn, can demonstrate effective communication, develop and nurture thinking and problem-solving skills, enjoy a positive quality of life, find fulfillment, experience the joy of faith formation, and contribute to and benefit from the intergenerational transmission of culture.

Benefits of Intergenerational Experiential Learning:

Develops a spirit of caring and working together

Storytelling that links the different generations together

Interactive problem solving demonstrates (models) lifelong skills

Brings variety to the learning experience

Provides timely critical information

Excels in the ability to read, write, and communicate

Improves employment opportunities

Improves literacy

Promotes positive self-esteem and family esteem

Increases shared life experiences

Promotes understanding between the generations

Creates harmony among generations

Increases the quality of life for all ages

Helps young people fully develop their strengths and skills

Fosters a positive atmosphere and congenial sense of community in which all ages enjoy mutual respect

Strengthens family life

Provides modeling, observation, discussion, exploration, the integration of life skills, and the celebration of success

Promotes faith formation

Promotes academic achievement

Directly involves the parent in their child's education

Provides aging education

Increases communication between the generations

Improves communication skills

Increases shared responsibility for success and failure

Allows tweens and teens to learn who they are in a supportive, non-condemning environment

Assists in taking ownership of one's thoughts, feelings, and actions

Consider how the community, school, and Church nurture the family. How can the community, school, and the Church fill the gaps for families that are not, for whatever reason, as nurturing as they want to be? The community, school, and Church must encourage time to be spent together and provide activities that bring families together rather than separate them into age groups. There must be a compilation of suggestions for family "rituals," including annual rituals such as birthdays and Christmas, along with rituals that occur daily – i.e., mealtime, bedtime, Saturday, etc., and rituals that can be continued at home. Support for parents and caregivers can be provided with opportunities to form friendships with other adults. Children ultimately benefit by having other adults in their lives. Offer opportunities for the larger community and/or congregation to embrace the children and youth as their own. After all, the strength and cohesiveness of our families can be significantly influenced by our knowledge of God.

Intergenerational (experiential) learning can do what tween and youth groups, parenting classes, gender-based workshops, and conferences cannot. It can bring the generations together to work on the issues that impact their relationships. It can help them seek a win-win solution that enables them to cooperate, reducing hostility, negativity, and the us vs. them attitude. It increases communication, understanding, skills, and abilities. Solutions are proactive.

With so many overwhelming benefits that are not just hoped for but are already being experienced by several states and cities (Texas, Illinois, San Diego) it would be an issue of severe negligence on our part to not proceed with a curriculum package that can greatly impact the lives of children, teens, parents…changing holes in families to whole families for their good, the good of the community, and Church and for the glory and good of the Kingdom.

It is most certainly worth considering and taking the risk!